Freedom and commitment in relationships

Freedom is a deep-rooted essence of us human beings; it is embedded in our ancestral cell memory.

However, we are deprived the right to experience this existential and most wonderful condition because our educational systems are everything but a guide and teacher of freedom. Before we could even start thinking of freedom we were enslaved in restrictive belief systems, numbed in our guts, dimmed in our hearts and made believe that freedom is something to be gained or is limited to the definitions handed down to the masses by those who have the powers to do so.

But our cells remember that there is such a thing! And something in us makes us rebel against all impact that tries to put us in invisible chains.

Society as such doesn’t exist. “Society” is a label for a gathering of defined members. These members are individuals, it is you and me. The breaking free never happens from the outside in, but always from the inside out. Freedom starts in the individual. And as long as we can’t be free within ourselves, how can we be free without?

In our non-freedom we unconsciously extend our own slavery unto others, we bind them as well, because we can only do unto others what we do unto ourselves.

In relationships we can observe this eternal conflict between the individual’s cry for freedom and at the same time unconsciously binding themselves and the other.

The cry for freedom most of the time is denied or suppressed and only sometimes reaches the surface. Then we objectify the cause and project that it is the other who is restricting our freedom. But that is a complete illusion. No one as a matter of truth can restrict our freedom, only we can.

Tragically we are not aware of the cause and our projections, and therefore we avoid commitment.

For the non-free person commitment feels like another chain around the neck. However without commitment we can’t transmit another essential quality for every working relationship: safety. The absence of safety breeds insecurity and only leads to the other also not committing or not fully committing and then both try to boil water at 95%.

Disappointment, complaint, denial, frustration, aggression and eventually resignation are the lot most relationship suffer. Not so if – yes if! – safety and freedom would be granted to each other. Is this possible at all? I say yes, it is.

First of all, you need to wish it, to truly want it.

Do you want freedom and safety (commitment) to be a present living quality in your relationship? It surprises me when people immediately say yes. There is a selfish sense of possessiveness emanating from the ego. It is very powerful, but only as long one doesn’t declare a divorce to that energy in oneself. That’s why it is crucial to want it in the first place. The moment you get yourself to really want it, you declare that the future of your relationship matters more than the apparent needs of your ego.

Next you will see that possessiveness doesn’t come from love but from fear.

It is the fear to not have control, to not have power over tomorrow. This fear can only exist as long as one remains unconscious, unenlightened within oneself. If you see that this fear generates possessiveness, which inevitably will drive your partner away from you, you can also generate the power to break free from this fear.

You will need to upgrade yourself to a next version of yourself, a version so confident, so serene that there is not an atom of need for power confirmation needed. Which is freedom. As a free person inside you will find no resistance to commit to anything. And when I say “commit” I mean in totality. A 99% commitment is not a commitment but merely an intention. And no intention can ever make another feel safe.

Commitment transmits magic if it is 100%. And it is that we are longing and looking for in another. But again, if we ourselves don’t provide this quality in the first place, how can we expect to attract anything other than exactly that?

Freedom without commitment doesn’t work, and neither does commitment without freedom. The two need to be both present for the magic of a lasting, joyful and magical relationship to happen.

I wish for everyone on this planet the power to replace fear by love. I know it is not utopian – and it all begins to become possible with wanting it from the bottom of your heart.

With love, ❤  Marc Steinberg