Connection and Completion
Connection and Completion are the main focus of our Conscious Living 2 training. In this blog post we delve into the topics of Creation and Completion, two essential ingredients in creating and maintaining conscious relationships. So why do we crave connection so much? Why is connection sometimes so difficult? And how do you restore connection when it is gone?
The urge for connection dates back to the start of human existence. Is it in the evolutionary process, is it the requirement for the building blocks of human beings- the biological survival of our cells or could it just our conditioned behaviour that we feel the need for connection to belong and to survive?
And then we can look at it from a spiritual evolution point of view- some of us are searching to ‘become one’ again through connection with other.
One thing we do know, if we feel deeply connected then our demanding egos can relax, there is no fear and no triggers, like sitting safely on our mother’s lap. It’s in this state of safety that we experience the least Ego activity.
When the ego relaxes we experience states of love, creativity, flow, gratitude, openness and vulnerability. And when this happens we often project these experiences onto the person we experience this with, like when we are in love, we project and link these feelings to our partner. The fact is that these experiences don’t come from another, they are living in ourselves, in all of us, all the time. The problem is that we can’t experience them as our own as all of our attention is caught up in the Identity / Ego activity.
What is connection?
In Consciousness everything is connected, always- it’s the law. It is only in the mind that we experience duality, in the mind we are not able to experience true oneness and connection. Saying this, oneness can live in the mind as a concept that we believe in even if it can’t be experienced there. What can be experienced in the mind is the emotion of feeling connected when our concept of oneness is acknowledged. The mind then creates a story to validate the emotion and finds evidence to prove itself to be true. This issue is that the experience of connection will disappear when the other (the trigger) disappears or stops pushing the right buttons and our feeling of oneness is buried yet again.
It is in specific situations like an illness, birth, death of a loved one, after falling in love or after a forgiving process when we for a moment let go the issues that are in between us and the other and here we experience a sudden increase in connectedness.
What is in the way of connection?
Well, that’s a big question with a very long list of answers. Basically, it’s everything that separates us from experiencing being one in consciousness.
The number one factor is our Identity/Ego itself which keeps us separate from others, compares us to others and as said above, this is rooted in the mind. If we let go of the illusion of the self, connection is our natural state.
Separation.
Apart from the basic fact “this is me and that is you”, every little thing that exists within our mind that gets in the way of being connected to the person we seek connection with. Meaning every lie, wrong intention, not choosing our partner 100%, blaming our partner, not truly seeing our partner, not being present- all of this decreases the emotional experience of feeling connected.
Fears.
Fear separates us from everything including ourselves. Our fears of losing someone, our fear of not being good enough for someone, our fear they’ll prefer someone else. Everything that keeps attention stuck in the mind doesn’t allow for presence and causes incomplete connection.
The process of disconnecting.
For many people disconnecting is an unconscious process that can go over years. Suddenly one becomes aware that the connection that was there for a long time is gone and they don’t know how. Sometimes years before this moment of awareness, the first incompletions slipped in between the two people and the seed of doubt was planted. It could be anything from a lie, a fight that was not fully resolved or maybe just a different opinion that was not rightly expressed and lead into a communication breakdown.
Most of us don’t realise the incompletion exists, it’s forgotten or stepped over as it is not worth fighting over or not seen as important, but this is the moment the weed is planted in the beautiful garden. And this weed will attract and attach more and more weeds and over time the beautiful garden is full of weeds and it’s harder to spot the beautiful flowers and then the relationship is in trouble.
Relating true and complete.
Practicing to express all things that are not true or complete can cause magic to happen in a relationship- it’s not something that we’re taught or encouraged to do as it’s easier to “let things lie” but the rewards of this work can be wonderous. The difference between 100% complete and 99% is the same as between black and white. From 99% to 60% or below is from grey to grey.
I once ended a relationship in mutual agreement as it was clear that my partner’s path was a different path to mine. And that last evening before my partner took off to South Africa, the country where her path was leading her, we chose to celebrate our connection at a ‘say goodbye dinner’ in a restaurant and a woman from another table came to us and shared that it was so beautiful to see two people ‘being so in love’.
How to complete?
Choose the path of being as authentic, open and true (to yourself and other) as possible.
Share your lies , deceit and also share what is true… even when it is painful. Train yourself to stay connected to your heart, not make the other wrong and simply share your truth.
It is possible to train yourself to be authentic and true, you can train in a specific conscious language or arm yourself with practical tools to be more conscious in relation to other. Please do contact us if you desire support.
With love,
Joris Swinkels
Lead Trainer Conscious Living