How to choose the right teacher for you

Who is the right teacher for you? What is right and what not? By what criteria can you assess whether a teacher is right for you?

One way of going about it is to understand the difference between attraction and resonance, something that I teach on day 1 of my Heart Retreat.

Attraction is a matter of particular pleasant programs getting activated by your reaction to a teacher; you may like her/his looks, body language, eyes, voice etc. and zoom! you “feel” right because your subconscious programs of pleasant memories have been uploaded and are running pleasant memories. This happens so fast and so subtly that you only experience the result but not the process. You just feel good. And most people act on that; that’s what they live by. And of course there is the opposite: repulsion. Which works exactly the same way, the teacher’s appearance and self-expression triggers your subconscious to upload unpleasant programs, which give you an unpleasant feeling.

Your mind is always on your side, creating a story in lightning speed to justify your perception. Your mind’s job is to make you feel safe. So it makes you right in whatever perception you entertain.

This is the compass of attraction/repulsion and we all know this game very well, don’t we? We use it in choosing who we invite or seduce into our lives and who we keep away.

What follows is a life that repeats itself in endless loops – always performing the same drama, the same pattern. Not much learning and growth comes out of that.

Then there is resonance. Now, resonance requires, first of all, a full awareness and understanding of the above, because without taking a step back from being played by attraction/repulsion you cannot sense resonance. Resonance is a sensation one doesn’t feel but sense. There is a big difference between the two. Feelings happen (by a movie being uploaded into your head) but resonance needs to be ‘created’ by ‘doing sensing’; it’s kind of putting your attention on something, on the teacher, and sensing how s/he resonates with you.

Sounds simple, but it is a very tricky business. It requires a lot of awareness to not do the sensing with an already uploaded attraction/repulsion program in the back; because if you do that, your sensing is just being hijacked for confirming your already running movie.

There is one sensation that you can pay attention to and trust: whether your energy contracts or expands. Your body consists 70-80% of water. Water is alive, it contracts and expands, not chemically but structurally. When the structure of H2O changes into harmonious patterns, you experience a sensation of expansion; and of course vice versa. You can trust your water 100%. The tricky part is to be so developed in your self- and body awareness that your programs can’t fool you.

Best is to develop this sensitivity and awareness in a space where you get practices and feedback that allows you to develop your radar. Again, that’s exactly what we do in the Heart Retreat.

So, let’s say you chose your teacher by resonance. For sure, if your teacher is of any value to your growth you will be stretched. (NB: otherwise what’s the point of having a teacher?)

Getting stretched means leaving your comfort zone; and immediately your mind doesn’t feel safe anymore and guess what?, it wants to pull you back into familiarity, by all means. It will try to talk you out of your plans and efforts, it will make up stories to convince you that what you are doing is a bad idea, and so on and so forth.

When the mind is doing that, your water structure becomes disharmonious, and you experience contraction. Your mind will use this opportunity to project your experience onto the subject it perceives as a threat to your comfort zone. And here you move into self-delusion. Can you see that?

Someone once said “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. The moment you get stretched out of your comfort zone all your resistance patterns, survival programs, fears, worries will be triggered. I call these “shadows”. The moment you step into the light (out of your cave, your familiar territory) the shadows become visible. Can you see that?

Great, well, then – and only then – you can get to work with your shadows. No one is without shadows. The sooner we deal with them the better – because you have been given a life to live. Don’t waste another year, not even another month. Claim your greatness.

In the Shadow and Light Retreat I will ask you to come out of your cave and step into the bright light. And then you are shocked by the presence of your shadows, because now you can see them. Now what? Face, love and integrate them.

No one choosing to live a life in the light can bypass shadow work. Shadow work may sound scary for you. But it doesn’t have to be. It can be safe, powerful, playful and fun; not without drama, but hey, even that can be turned into fun, can’t it?

Let’s dance into the light!


PS You can explore my retreat offerings here


With love, ❤ Marc Steinberg